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Sunday, September 9, 2012

Jack Caldwell: Darcy and Darcy at the Decatur Book Festival

Welcome Back Jack Caldwell!
And The OTHER Side of Decatur Book Festival!  The Beginning of Post Festival Posts!
Some of the Authors at the Decatur Book Festival: From Top to Bottom, Left to Right--Jennifer Petkus, Abigail Reynolds, KaraLynne Mackrory, Barbara Tiller Cole, Jack Caldwell, Amy Cecil, Regina Jeffers, Robin Helms, Karen Cox, Pamela Aidan and Maria Grace

Hi, Darcyholics!  I went off the grid for a few days here!  Had to catch up with real life and real work after the Decatur Book Festival.  But I am happy to be back, and happy to welcome Jack Caldwell back for his Post DBF visit with us.  I can NOW say that I have enjoyed hanging out with Jack and his Lovely Wife Barbara!
Barbara Tiller Cole and Jack Caldwell
Jack and Barbara Caldwell
I will be sharing with you more pictures and stories of the Decatur Book Festival, but today is Jack's day or maybe I should say Jack and his Darcys' day!
I am also announcing initial plans for a Darcyholic Holiday eBook Festival
More Information to come, but send me an email at barbaratillercole@gmail.com if you are an author and would like to participate!!
Upcoming Guest Posts Are As Follows:
September 11--Evie Cotton
September 14--Mary Simonsen
September 16--Karen Cox's Experiences at the DBF 
September 18--Amber G.
September 21--Moira B.
September 23--Barbara Tiller Cole and the DBF
September 25--C. Allyn Pierson
September 28--Juliet Archer
October 2--Rebecca Young
October 5--Jan Hahn and Janet Taylor's Jane Austenland Adventure
October 9--Karen W.
November 2--Amy Patterson
November 13--Karen Doornebos
And Many more to come!

Comments count as entries into the monthly drawings here at Darcyholic Diversions.  You have till Tuesday morning for ONE last chance at the August drawings.  Chances will be given for joining this site, tweeting this post, joining this site as a member via Google Friend Connect (GFC) (See the left hand column on the blog to join!), sharing this on Facebook or your blog, Friend Barbara Tiller Cole on Facebook,  clicking 'like’ on Barbara Tiller Cole, Author's Facebook Page.
Darcy And Darcy at the DBF
by Jack Caldwell

(SCENE: A small, windowless room with numerous couches and chairs.
FITZWILLIAM DARCY – Good Lord, how can one stand that heat?
WILLIAM DARCY –You ought to mosey on over to my place in Texas in July, Fitzwillie. Makes today feel like wintertime.
FD – William, I requested that you not call me that!
WD – Sorry, Fitzwilliam, but it’s kinda hard to resist. Besides, didn’t I say my name’s Will?
FD – What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
WD – Y’know, you and I think way too much alike.
FD – If that is so, then you must share my amazement at what passes for appropriate dress in 2012.
WD – Partner, you are right there! I’ve never seen such clothes in all my days!
FD – What happened to most of the gentlemen’s trousers?
WD – You’ve got me. Must be all the rage for gents to be strolling about with their hairy legs exposed for people to gawk at.
FD – That was nothing compared to the ladies!
WD – I thought I was in the biggest dancehall in the whole wide world! The skirts were cut right up to there!
FD – Ladies dress like that at dances in your era?
WD – Of course not! Dancehalls are for … dancing girls. You know, entertainment. Not that I’ve spent a lot of time in those, of course.
FD – Of course. We do not have such entertainments in England in my day.
WD – Oh.
FD – But I have been to Paris where such … places exist. Understand, they are not establishments I normally frequent.
WD – Of course.
FD – Only a few ladies at the Decatur Book Festival were dressed appropriately, and they were in the Jane Austen tent.
WD – Yeah. And hardly anybody was wearing a hat, even in the heat. And folks that were had these things. (HOLDS UP AN ATLANTA BRAVES BASEBALL CAP)
FD – Mr. Caldwell called them “ball caps.” Surely people do not wear these to dances!
WD – WD – Probably not, but I don’t think that’s what they mean by balls. I think they’re talking about baseball. It’s a lot like your cricket. Anyhow, this ball cap’s got an Indian on it.
FD – I thought Red Indians wore feather bonnets.
WD – They do in Texas. Maybe they do things different round here. Were there any Indians about? I didn’t see any.
FD – Mr. Caldwell says they may be found managing gambling casinos.
WD – Ha! That’ll make the red man popular, for certain!
FD – I must admit I find the food in 2012 strange.
WD – You’re right there. Sushi?
FD – I cannot speak for the people of Decatur, but raw fish in rice and seaweed does not sound appetizing.
WD – Caldwell couldn’t seem to get enough of it.
FD – I am afraid I am coming to the opinion that Mr. Caldwell is not altogether sane.
WD – Can’t argue with you there.
FD – However, the food at Mary Mac’s Tea Room was excellent!
WD – You can say that again!
FD – And the way smoked meat is prepared in Atlanta is superb.
WD – I told you barbecue was good.
WD – Uh, oh. Don’t look now, Fitzwilliam, but a couple of the Darcy Groupies got past security again.
FD – Ladies, I must ask you to—ELIZABETH?
ELIZABETH (LIZZY) DARCY – Good afternoon, darling. Did you enjoy yourself at the festival?
FD – Elizabeth, what in the world are you wearing? I can see your legs—past your knees!
LIZZY (TWIRLING AROUND) – Is it not divine? Look how the skirt floats!
FD – It looks indecent! Your nightgowns are longer that that!
LIZZY (POUTING) – You do not like it?
FD – It is stunning. But … but, I am supposed to be the only one to have the privilege of viewing your legs.
LIZZY (PATS HIS CHEEK) – You are so sweet, but this is all the fashion in 2012.
WD – Beth, is that you?
ELIZABETH (BETH) DARCY – Hello, sweetheart. We had so much fun today with Mrs. Caldwell.
WD – Good God, what happened to your hair?
BETH – I had it cut and styled. They even added highlights.
WD – But it’s almost as short as a man’s!
BETH (POUTING) – You don’t like it?
WD – Strangely enough, I do. You know I like it when you put your hair up. But … but I can’t run my fingers through your tresses anymore—
BETH – Will! We aren’t alone!
WD – Sorry.
BETH – Don’t worry. Hair grows back, you know.
WD – Thank God.
LIZZY – Barbara Caldwell was so nice! She took us to the spa were we were massaged and pampered—by ladies, Fitzwilliam, so get that shocked look off your face. We had our hair done, and then Barbara took us to these wonderful places.
BETH – Lennox Square and Phipps Plaza!
LIZZY – The shops, Fitzwilliam, the shops! I have never seen the like!
BETH – Nordstrom, Saks, Neiman Marcus—it was heaven!
LIZZY (SHOWS OFF HER PUMPS) – I acquired these at Cole Haan. Beth got her boots at Coach.
FD – Those are shoes? They hardly look serviceable. They hardly look like anything!
LIZZY – They feel like nothing, too.
WD – You’re going to ride your horse, Turner, in those, Beth?
BETH – No, silly! I also bought some proper riding boots with eagles stitched on!
LIZZY (COOING) – Victoria’s Secret made me blush, but am I ever glad we went there!
BETH – No more corsets and stays and small clothes! Hooray!
FD – Then … what are you … oh Lord! I cannot say.
LIZZY – You are so handsome when you blush, darling. Do not worry, we bought something better than corsets and stays! (LAUGHS)
BETH – I’ll say!
WD – What kind of britches are you wearing, anyway?
BETH – They’re called Skinny Jeans. What do you think of them?
WD – I’ll tell you later, Beth, when we’re alone.
LIZZY (GIGGLING) – See, Beth? Barbara was right!
FD – I beg your pardon?
BETH – Barbara said you both would be shocked but happy.
FD – She is Barbara to both of you?
LIZZY – Of course! She is a delightful lady!
BETH (TAKING WILLIAM DARCY BY THE ARM) – Come along! We don’t have much time before Mr. Caldwell sends us home via space and time.
LIZZY (DOES THE SAME WITH FITZWILLIAM DARCY) – We have to return to the shops. There is men’s clothing there as well.
BETH – We think some nice silk pajamas would be just the thing for both of you.
FD – Elizabeth, you simply cannot wear what you are wearing in Regency England!
LIZZY – I know, my love. It will be our secret.
BETH – That wouldn’t be so bad, would it, Will?
WD (GRINS) – I reckon not. What do you say, Fitzwilliam?
FD (SMILES) – I must agree.
LIZZY – We must make haste! There is a shop we simply must go to before we leave Decatur. It is called Tiffany’s.
BETH (LAUGHS) – With those adorable blue boxes!
FD – A store for boxes?
WD – Um, if it’s the same Tiffany & Company that’s in New York City, it’s a store where pretty little things go into little blue boxes.
FD – It sounds expensive.
WD – It is, Fitzwillie.
FD – I told you not to call me that!

About the Author - Jack Caldwell is an author, amateur historian, professional economic developer, playwright, and like many Cajuns, a darn good cook. Born and raised in the Bayou County of Louisiana, Jack and his wife, Barbara, are Hurricane Katrina victims who now make the upper Midwest their home.
His nickname—The Cajun Cheesehead—came from his devotion to his two favorite NFL teams: the New Orleans Saints and the Green Bay Packers. (Every now and then, Jack has to play the DVD again to make sure the Saints really won in 2010.)

His latest novel is THE THREE COLONELS – Jane Austen’s Fighting Men (2012), a sequel to Pride & Prejudice and Sense & Sensibility. His first novel is PEMBERLEY RANCH (2010), a re-imagining of Pride & Prejudice set in 1870s Texas.
When not writing or traveling with Barbara, Jack attempts to play golf. A devout convert to Roman Catholicism, Jack is married with three grown sons.
Jack's blog postings—The Cajun Cheesehead Chronicles—appear regularly at Austen Authors.

Web site – Ramblings of a Cajun in Exile – http://webpages.charter.net/jvcla25/
Blog – Austen Authors – http://austenauthors.net/

PEMBERLEY RANCH VIDEO PREVIEW - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JkxXrqYhSg
THE THREE COLONELS VIDEO PREVIEW - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkNVx55OSJc



  1. Heh-heh! You were nice to the boys, Jack -- you could have taken them dancing with the *savages.* Next year, you were a costume!

  2. Hahah. Wonderful! Those are shoes? :D
    It sounds like Lizzy and Beth had a very successful trip to Decatur (where they at DBF too?)

  3. E & B didn't ask me to go with them!?! I'm hurt!
    So nice to meet you & everyone else!

  4. Jack, your posts are always VERY refreshing. Thank you!

  5. Let's hear it for the boys! Funny, Jack. I really enjoyed meeting you and your wife in Decatur. She is truly a Beta babe. ;)

  6. LOL! Oh, my Jack! You never cease to amaze me! HA! I am curious though about how you know so much about women's fashion? Did Barbara help you with your research? I can imagine all the fun the ladies had at Lenox and Phipps!

    1. OF COURSE Barbara helped! She's the muse, after all.

  7. Hehe! Barbara corrupted the ladies. Job well done.

    Fun post, thanks!

  8. LOL love those guys! While the ladies were shopping they must have entrusted you to keep all the swooning Darcy Groupies away from their hubbies. I'm glad a good time was had by all.

    1. We needed automatic weapons. Fortunately, Lady Cat owned a few.

  9. Sounds like Barbara is a dangerous woman to be around. I can't wait to get to know her better!

    1. I hope you do get a chance to have her corrupt you.

  10. Fitzwillie...hahahahaha...you cracked me up!

  11. Sounds like Decatur was expensive for you, Jack--all that "research"! LOL

  12. This is a hoot! Glad the ladies had fun shopping and the men will reap the benefits of Victoria's Secret. Hope that FD and WD visit again. Thanks, Jack!

  13. Enjoyed your post as well as the time I spent with you and Barbara in Decatur. If Texas is truly hotter than the concrete in Georgia, I don't see how any of you survive it.