A Darcyholic’s Guide
to Gentlemanly Etiquette
By Maria Grace
(I am very happy to have Maria Grace with us here at Darcyholic Diversions today. I have had the gift of not only getting to know her through her writings but getting to know her as an author, but as a very good friend. I hope you will enjoy her post. And also take time to read my own post which is a part of the Authors In Bloom Blog Tour with a Kindle as the grand prize. Title is Bloom Where You Are Planted. )
High
among Fitzwilliam Darcy’s appeals as a character are his proper behavior and
his polite manners. Together, these communicate his respect for others and his
respect for himself. Portraying
these properly in my newest book, All the Appearance of Goodness, was a
challenge. I had to dig into a lot of research on the topic and ended up
finding it truly fascinating. I
hope you enjoy a brief over view of it as much as I did.
The
Regency era was a time of strict etiquette with sometimes complex rules. A true gentleman would have been
able to navigate these with poise and confidence. The task was not for the
faint of heart, however. A gentleman had to keep himself under good regulation,
lest one ill-timed mishap cast a taint upon his reputation. The established
etiquette of the Regency era emphasized class and rank and the proper relations
between the genders. Although the rules might appear awkward and restrictive,
they did act as a safeguard against misunderstanding and embarrassment for all
parties.
Learning
all these rules must have been a challenge for a gentleman or a lady of the
period. They were certainly a
challenge for this author to try and learn in order to accurately portray
Darcy’s interactions with Elizabeth and her family.
In line with the
emphasis on elegance and formality, gentlemen were encouraged to maintain an
erect seating posture when sitting or standing. Slouching or leaning back was
regarded as slothful unless the individual was infirm in some way. Similarly, a well-bred man walked
upright and moved with grace and ease with an elegance of manners and
deportment, responding to any social situation with calm assurance and aplomb.
Extremes of emotion
and public outbursts were unacceptable, as was anything pretentious or
flamboyant. A gentleman had to
control his features, his physical bodies and his speech when in company. All forms of vulgarity were unacceptable
and to be continually guarded against. Laughter, too, was moderated in polite company, particularly
among women. Men might engage in unrestrained mirth in the company of other
men.
Etiquette demanded a gentleman
behaved with courteous dignity to acquaintance and stranger alike at all times.
Servants were to be kept at a proper distance but without arrogance, pride or
aloofness, spoken to with an appropriate degree of civility and without the casual
informality with which a person might address an equal. Private business was
not discussed in the presence of servants and they were generally ignored at
mealtimes. Mocking or belittling servants or their families was deemed
undignified and a sign of bad manners.
In the company of
ladies, a gentleman would be especially careful to protect her reputation.
Since a chaperone would be required for any young, single woman, he would
accept their presence as a matter of course.
Moreover, as it was
unacceptable to speak to anyone of good breeding without a formal introduction
by a third party, a true gentleman would always seek an introduction with any
lady he wished to become acquainted with. At a public ball, the Master of Ceremonies
would conduct this service to enable gentleman and ladies to dance.
Gentlemen and ladies
of equal rank bowed and curtsied when formally introduced to each other and
again when parting. If of unequal rank, the person of lower rank bowed or
curtsied. After being introduced, individuals always acknowledged each other in
public, ladies with a slight bow of the shoulders, gentlemen with a tip or
touch to the hat using the hand farthest away from the lady to raise it.
If a gentleman met a
lady with whom he had a friendship and who signified that she wished to talk, good
manners dictated he should turn and walk with her as they conversed. It was not
appropriate to make a lady stand talking in the street. If walking with a lady
and a flight of stairs was encountered. Ascending the stairs, he should precede the lady (running,
according to one authority); in descending, he followed.
In a carriage, a
gentleman took the seat rear facing. If he for some reason, he found himself
alone in a carriage with a lady, he could not sit next to her unless he was her
husband, brother, father, or son. A proper gentleman always exited a carriage
first so that he may hand the lady down, always taking appropriate care not to
step on her dress.
Not surprisingly, good
manners required all forms of touching between members of the opposite sex be
kept to a minimum. Putting a lady's shawl about her shoulders, or assisting her
to mount a horse, enter a carriage
and for a gentleman to take a lady's arm through his to support her
while out walking were considered acceptable of courtesy. Shaking hands,
though, was not. Only man and women on rather intimate terms shook hands. A
gentleman might kiss a lady's hand, but kissing it 'passionately' was inappropriate.
If a gentleman
attended a public exhibition or concert in the company of a lady, he would go
in first in order to find her a seat, making sure to remove his hat. If in
military uniform, a gentleman never wore a sword in the presence of ladies, nor
did he smoke in their presence, though the use of snuff was acceptable.
At
a dinner party, a gentleman arrived a quarter of an hour early, dressed
appropriately for the event and prepared to make amiable conversation. He would
choose his seat in the dining room, appropriate for his rank and status. There
was a tacit understanding that seats closest to the hostess should be taken by
the highest ranking guests.
Each
gentleman would serve himself and his neighbors from the dishes within his
reach. If a dish was required from
another part of the table, a manservant would be sent to fetch it. It was not
good form to ask a neighbor to pass a dish. It was equally bad manners for the
ladies to help themselves. They had to be served both food and wine by the
gentlemen nearest them.
During dinner, a
gentleman would be expected to entertain the ladies nearest him with engaging
conversation. The list of unacceptable topics far outnumbered the acceptable
ones. A polite individual did not ask direct personal questions of someone they
had just met. To question or even compliment anyone else on the details of
their dress might also be regarded as impertinent. Scandal and gossip should be
omitted from public conversation. Any references to pregnancy, childbirth, or
other natural bodily functions were considered coarse and carefully
sidestepped. A man could sometimes discuss his hunters or driving horses in the
presence of ladies though it was generally discouraged. Greater latitudes of conversation were
allowed when the genders were segregated, particularly for the men.
To me, it is no
wonder why Darcy did not prefer company he did not know well and why he felt
awkward in society. With so many
rules and guidelines, it must have felt like a disaster waiting to happen for someone
without Bingley’s natural knack for socializing. I loved getting a closer look
at what Darcy would have faced and I hope you have too.
References
A Lady of
Distinction - Regency Etiquette, the
Mirror of Graces (1811). R.L. Shep Publications (1997)
Black, Maggie & Le Faye,
Deirdre - The Jane Austen Cookbook. Chicago
Review Press (1995)
Byrne, Paula - Contrib.
to Jane Austen in Context. Cambridge University Press (2005)
Day, Malcom - Voices
from the World of Jane Austen. David & Charles (2006)
Downing, Sarah Jane - Fashion
in the Time of Jane Austen. Shire Publications (2010)
Jones, Hazel - Jane
Austen & Marriage . Continuum Books (2009)
Lane, Maggie - Jane
Austen's World. Carlton Books (2005)
Lane, Maggie - Jane
Austen and Food. Hambledon (1995)
Laudermilk, Sharon & Hamlin, Teresa
L. - The Regency Companion. Garland
Publishing (1989)
Le Faye,
Deirdre - Jane Austen: The World of Her
Novels. Harry N. Abrams (2002)
Ray, Joan Klingel - Jane
Austen for Dummies. Wiley Publishing, Inc. (2006)
Ross, Josephine - Jane
Austen's Guide to Good Manners. Bloomsbury USA (2006)
Selwyn, David - Jane
Austen & Leisure. The Hambledon Press (1999)
Trusler, John - The
Honours of the Table or Rules for Behavior During Meals. Literary-Press
(1791)
Vickery, Amanda - The
Gentleman's Daughter. Yale University Press (1998)
Author bio
Though Maria
Grace has been writing fiction since she was ten years old, those early efforts
happily reside in a file drawer and are unlikely to see the light of day again,
for which many are grateful.
She has one husband,
two graduate degrees and two black belts, three sons, four undergraduate
majors, five nieces, six cats, seven Regency-era fiction projects and notes for
eight more writing projects in progress. To round out the list, she cooks for
nine in order to accommodate the growing boys and usually makes ten meals at a
time so she only cooks twice a month.
She can be contacted
at:
Facebook: facebook.com/AuthorMariaGrace
On Amazon.com:
amazon.com/author/mariagrace
Visit her website
Random Bits of Fascination (AuthorMariaGrace.com)
On Twitter @WriteMariaGrace
On Pinterest : http://pinterest.com/mariagrace423/
English Historical
Fiction Authors (EnglshHistoryAuthors.blogspot.com)
Austen Authors
(AustenAuthors.net)
Book Blurb
What is a young woman to do? One
handsome young man has all the goodness, while the other the appearance of
it. How is she to separate the
gentleman from the cad?
When Darcy joins his friend,
Bingley on a trip to Meryton, the last thing on his mind is finding a wife.
Meeting Elizabeth Bennet changes all that, but a rival for his affections
appears from a most unlikely quarter. He must overcome his naturally reticent
disposition if he is to have a chance of winning her favor.
Elizabeth’s thoughts turn to love
and marriage after her sister Mary’s engagement. In a few short weeks, she goes
from knowing no eligible young men, to being courted by two. Both are handsome
gentleman, but one conceals secrets and the other conceals his regard. Will she
determine which is which before she commits to the wrong one?
Buy Links:
I must say I loved, loved, LOOOVED this post. It is very helpful. I will copy-paste it in a word document right now. I will learn it by heart. I don't want to miss any of these ettiquete info when I am in the presence of a gentleman :-)
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